I read this yesterday I wrote last year and busted out laughing...
the comments you guys left was just too funny.
So i decided to repost it as a throw back friday.
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So this weekend I went on a lovely date with one of my guy friends who
happened to be Irish and Italian. He’s the sweetest guy and oh so cute!
the comments you guys left was just too funny.
So i decided to repost it as a throw back friday.
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So this weekend I went on a lovely date with one of my guy friends who
happened to be Irish and Italian. He’s the sweetest guy and oh so cute!
So let me tell you what happened …
On my date this weekend I was having some drinks with my friend at a Lounge downtown… now let me be honest the longue wasn’t the most diverse lounge actually I think I was one of the only “person of color “ in there, anyways so I was enjoying my drink and we were talking about the past when I noticed the man of my dreams staring at me.
Looks wise he was a match - He was about 6’3, dark chocolate and the body of a Greek God…
So during my date I excused myself and headed to the rest room… on my way out Mr. Tall Dark Chocolate stopped me and said “Hey there sexy… what are you doing with him (I censored what he actually called him), he can’t handle all that, don’t you know brothers and sisters gotta stick together”
DEAD.
LOL I was speechless… Stick together????? Really?? Negro PLEASE! First of all the fact that he was in such a lounge to begin with obviously meant he wasn’t checking for a “SISTER” and he then had the nerve to come up to me and judge me.
I see Black Men date outside their race all the time and i have no problem with it, you falling in love with who you fall in love with and i don't think race should be such an important factor.
Personally I have a very deep appreciation for the beauty of a black man (FYI when I say BLACK MEN I mean BOTH – African American and Nigerian men pretty much black men in general) but most times I’m not a black man’s type and honestly I get MORE love and appreciation from "Other" races than I do from black men.
I thought it was funny to read that unlike black women who struggle against the current of the apparent man shortage, searching for eligible candidates is not an arduous task for black men, and never has been. Studies show that for every available man, there are at least seven single, willing and able Black Women who are ready to be signed, sealed and delivered to the first derivable and desirable bachelor who crosses their path. Black men can just about have their pick when it comes to choices in the dating arena. Percentages of Black men and women dating outside their races have increased significantly over the last decade. More so now than ever, it has become more common to see a Black man with a white woman (or non-African American) on his arm.
Well black women are no longer sitting around waiting on her black savior to come to his senses, as they have also begun testing the waters of alternative nationalities.
The reasons as to why successful black men are not choosing black women once they reached the top remains a mystery. What is it about black women that compel black men to choose differently when it comes to dating?
I saw the ABC special on Why Are 42% Of Black Successful Women Are Single?
And i actually agreed with them.
I see it all the time black women having a hard time finding a "Good black man"
I read a research study that Listed the top 10 out of 50 reasons why Black men find it hard to date Black women:
1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
9. Black women's tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America.
10. Black women do not cater to their men.
1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
9. Black women's tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America.
10. Black women do not cater to their men.
Well i DON'T know if i agree with this list but i think it's funny how at the end of the day black women are always considered the problem.
AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON NIGERIAN MEN.
Even if you are dating mostly Nigerian men you will find that most families still practice Tribalism ... and would prefer you marry men within your own tribe. Well here we go again... there are already so many "Nice, intelligent, Not bad looking” Nigerian men to begin with, and then i now have to only look within my tribe to find one to bring home O_o
LOL well that's a whole other topic for another day. As i write this i feel sorry for my poor parents who are patiently waiting at home for me to bring home a nice "Edo (which is my tribe) Doctor"... WELLLSSSZZZTTTTT i already told them that they shouldn't hold their breath.
What do you guys think? What is your view on interracial dating? I would love to hear your views on this.
I don't date White men because i don't find them attractive. But i see what you mean when it comes to dating black men, they do have more options.
ReplyDeleteThe guy i'm currently dating is Italian. <3 Enough said. Lol
ReplyDeleteI've dated an Italian man and he was so so so good to me. I personally don't discriminate when it comes to dating. I figure i'd only be limiting myself to smaller pool of men, if i only dated black men. Dont get me wrong i loooove black men but i love love even more.
ReplyDeleteI love this article abs! I think black women limit themselves ALOT when it comes to picking a partner, which is the reason why alot of us remain single! Black men on the other hand are dipping in all the jars AVAILABLE, I feel like YES the black man might be our dream BUT we have to make room for other races so we can have more options! We cannot all be vying for the attention of the ONLY black man in the room who happens to be checking for sistas.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are talking about this and i saw that ABC speical, i'm one of those black women and i have turned my back on black men.
ReplyDelete@Shirley...Amen Amen Amen girl....PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL...my current bf is italian and hmmmm dats the best romance i have had ...
Abby for real for real!! its so hard for black women cos they love black men toooo much!! They need to open their minds... Sigh. Black women get such a bad rep everywhere its sooooo tiring walkin around with this list of stereotypes piled on your head!
ReplyDeleteOzzy
LOL at oseyi AND DOREEN i'm DEADDDD RIGHT NOW!
ReplyDeleteAs a black man, I have to say that the top 10 list above is (sadly) extremely accurate. Now of course it's not applicable to ALL black women, but it's a SURVEY. Personally, based on the experiences of me and my friends, those "Top 10" are QUITE accurate: I've personally experienced each of them. Please read it again and again, it could prove to be quite a useful tool. ;-) Seriously, though, having said that, I should say that though I've been open to other races, I prefer to date black women--I think it's human nature for all beings to want to be with their own kind--nothing wrong with that. So I just had to keep waiting until I found the one that bucked the trends listed above.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the article Abby.
p.s., the last two black women I've dated are now dating white guys. Soooooo maybe it's me?? :-\
Funny I was told I would marry a "white" man today by a Nigerian guy after he conversed with me O_O I was like WELL its not like I have a problem with that! In fact I would prefer it! I was pissed!! What makes them even think I would consider them over others? Men are all men to me to be honest I am colour blind when it comes to these things and more.
ReplyDeleteMy family already know there is a high percentage of me marrying a non nigerian ... so I am oh so glad they wont be that shocked ...
Men are men women are women!
Time to remove ourselves from that comfort zone and spread out!
Nice article x
Great article and insightful..I saw your tweet about this the other day too..I date whoever...doesn't matter...do love black men..but like you said..im not sitting around waiting on them.
ReplyDeletexoxo Monroe
Fashion Steele NYC
Great stuff, i am definitely open to all races nowadays..love comes in different colors and the more we restrict ourselves the slimmer the chance of finding it.
ReplyDeleteSigh this same old topic. I never understand this one. WHy is it always a race thing. I think its an attractive thing. I date white, black, spanish, and never had issue with any. I get approach by all sorts of guys and I am far from a white woman.
ReplyDeleteLike someone already said men are men...race doesn't matter To me... From my own experiences white men have been more appreciative of me as a person rather than an object. I am so glad we are talking about this. Black women should be more open to date outside of our race.
ReplyDeletebeela, i am in the same boat. I guess me being with a white man means that i will be respected as a human being, an individual, a woman with grace, beauty and intelligence and not some surbodinate doormat, sex machine then FINE! in short let me be with the white man o jare. Hiss!
ReplyDeletePS: I am with a white man now and its such a breath of fresh air to experience partnership. Not like i'm saying only white man are capable for being great partners.
BLACK WOMEN PLEASE DATE OUTSIDE YOUR RACE!!! The good, black man you want is looking outside of your race so please join the club! The black men pool is very limited! We are losing black men to other women and the prison system! Now in regards to the RIDICULOUS LIST above and the black man that co-signed its "authenticity", I'm going in! *Weezy voice*
ReplyDelete1. If a black man acts irresponsible, such as not paying child support or spending the household funds on installing surround speakers in his beat up corolla, what are we to appreciate?
2. How long do we have to wait? Unlike men, time is not on our side. Both biological and societal factors pressure us to find our mate quick!
3. A strong black man should be able to make his strong black woman understand that he should be the man in the relationship! How can he do this? By acting like a man! A woman likes to feel secure! If our man is not acting right, we want to be able to be independent of them. 4. RUBBISH!
5. Bullshit! That's too much of a generalization! We know what we want and we won't settle! I can't be making $100,000 a year and dating a man with limited funds! I need security and I need a man on my level! Men who earn less than their gf/wife then to become insecure as men are usually supposed to main provider and financial head of the family! Why don't you aim for your level i.e. blue collar!
6. Nonsense! That is too much of a generalization! You watch too much basketball wives and real housewives of Atlanta!
7. Oh snap! So now you're complaining. Thought you liked your woman "thick"! Big butt, big breasts and wide hips! What do think was gonna happen as she got older and has had kids? You reap what you sow!
8. If you're expecting your girl to be like the porn stars you see in your daily dose of porno, forget it! Perhaps you should try and bring ur partner around ur corner. Some tasty lube or whipped cream! naughtygirlprops.com has some great ideas!;)
9. Black men, why is it always about your own struggle! Y'all are selfish! Me, me, me! Black women struggled too!
10. Boo, bye! Black women cater to their men to the point of debt and bad credit! Black women make the mistake of catering to just any man that comes into their life! I gotta help ma boo! They cook and clean for their man like he's their spouse when their relationship is just a few months in!
As for me, I would love a strong, black man with your stats, Abby! A great personality, great sense of humor and financial stability would be great too! Now if I find a non-black man with these same characteristics, believe I will cross over in less than the speed of light! *Kanye shrug*
Wow, I read this and I feel like I'm living on another planet.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of black man, not african-american (I don't thing I know any of those. Living in Canada and all lol).
Who have an higher education and good career that are faithful to their Black gf/fiancé/wife.
I'm not saying that I don't know any "unsucessful" black men but as far as I am concern they are not the majority.
Perhaps there is a supply of eligible black men in the States is substantially lower compared to other countries hihi.
But I don't think that is true for all black man around the globe.
And luckily for me I was able to find what's seems to be an endangered species.
And Can I just say , the list from the research study is beyond stupid. I wonder who publish such things and still refers to themselves as researchers. Are you kidding me ?!?!?
I agree with ozzy, black women love black men far too much, and i feel like they have a misguided sense of loyalty to them. This loyalty isnt always reciprocated. Like the study said, most sucessful black men date outside their race period. Black women should learn to explore other options when it comes to the issue of finding a life partner.
ReplyDeleteBy the way is it just me, or does it seem like a lot of sisters have a thing for Italian men? Lol.
I completely understand the tribal thing in Nigeria. *Sighs* I really think that's our version of racism. In fact, I just wrote an article about it on my blog: http://mimibarber.blogspot.com/2011/04/case-of-tribal-love.html
I totally agree with you on the article this is GOOD STUFF lol Abby, you're so spot on!
ReplyDeleteI'm open to all race I see no reason why I shouldn't be, we're all made in God's image and the bible that is our manual to life didn't say we MUST marry our kind, abi am I wrong?
My own issue (personally) is guys of other races no de look me, I need help in that area cuz I'm very open. But E be like say my body too thick for them because my lower body is very endowed, maybe they prefer their skinny bitches lol.
WELL... in conclusion, like what's been said earlier... men are men women are women. DATE OUTSIDE YOUR RACE! (for the right reasons thoe, not cuz you want light skinned children that don't have nappy hair O_O lol, we've all seen that tyra show, y'all know what I'm saying!)
xxx
I'm black and my current boyfriend is half white half Filipino and we've been together for almost 3 years. Race has never been an issue for us. I love him very much and he treats way better than any black man I know. If black women would just stop limiting themselves, they would find love too.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I only date white guys because that is who I'm attracted too. I haven't experienced any racial slurs ever. I think the main reason why I date outside my race is because I feel like white man can give me the life that I want to live. People usually end up complainting about their partner in the end because they have low standards. They perfectly knew what he was capable of when they got together and then hope that he/she magically change. I feel like white men appreciate what they have and unlike black men they are looking for the next best thing. And someone else mention, black women are too loyal to black men and it is not returned. And Nneena you are right on!
ReplyDeleteAs a black woman dating men of all races I must say the list of reasons above for why black men don't date black women is 100% right BUT i think the problem is that black men see all that as a negative because the woman is strong and empowered and wont stand no shit where as men of other races see that more as a positive. They are drawn to strong black women and appreciate us for who we are.
ReplyDeleteGood post. I"m currently dating a Nigerian guy and his grandmother cried when she found out that I'm African American! lol She even offered to find a nice "suitable" Nigerian woman back home to send to the states :/
ReplyDeleteFirst of all there is more to dating out of your race than simply doing it because black men do it too.
ReplyDeleteIn my undergrad, I decided to put notches on my own belt by dating as far around the globe as I could. I have to say that was a great experience and there is so much to learn and experience and so much fun to have when you date people in total different from worlds from what you are used to. Besides some of the hottest guys i've known who can really make you feel like you're in some cute romance movie have been non-black.
So whatever the Black man's reason to stay away from a sister, thats his problem *not interested*. I think we should date all broaden our dating horizons cause there is more to men than Black.
Interesting articles - keep them coming!!!
ReplyDeleteI believe love comes in all colours but I find ladies here are too harsh with black men - One cannot say all balck men treat black women as objects and all white men treat them well. Men will be men from Tiger Woods to that ex-husband of Sandra Bullock so I now stir away from all sort of steoreotypes - those 10 reasons included.
I'm of African descent, living in London and I just came out of a 4-year relationship with a Spaniard. To be honest, I now hardly see myself dating a caucasian guy again in the future. I know it may sound paradoxal but it what it is.
Simply because it didn't work with family and societal pressure even in the best scenario ie him matching all criterias etc... and I will tend to use that relation as a reference.
let's just say it is not preference to be with a white guy anymore but hey if i fall in love I will live to it.
Truth is it's hard to find anyone with genuine interest outside of his culture or willing to compromise to embrace yours, which to some extent is already a mix of Western and African influences. In some interracial relationships I've seen around me one has to give up part of his identity and it's usually the woman (whether black or white).
I personally see it as a 2-way thing and I need someone who's "AWARE" and interested in what's going on in the world, from Ivory Coast to Japan, from US to Nigeria and I'm afraid there aren't that many European guys like this, who will be willing to have a more mature view outside of what is shown in the media.
What saddens me is working in finance in London, it is definitely hard for all women of all races to find a man, leave alone a black one...
My friends have even told me that I don't attract black men because I'm too independent, work too long hours and I'm not "African" enough...lol
Anyway I've come to the conclusion that I need to give time to understand what I'm comfortable with. In the meantime I'll try to stay open to anyone.
Cheers
Sam
Kai!!!!
ReplyDeleteI was watching this video just the other day about not making our preferences in a guy our prerequisites. [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEO_8dE0l4c ] Which is soooo true! Sadly I find myself doing this all the time. I pray I don’t end up like one of those old ladies living in her apartment with her 96 cats.
…And as for parents. Ehhwoo! Just know that the chances of me bringing home an Igbo guy….sighh…anyway. We shall see about that.
Crossing my fingers that we all find our “Mr. ‘Almost’ Perfect’
Stephanie
http://itzspittingglitter.blogspot.com/
I am Edo as well and my parents want me to bring back an Edo guy... *blank face* I laugh in Spanish. Especially because I live in Canada and the chances of finding a decent Nigerian man or even Edo is already SLIM to none. Definitely dating outside my race!
ReplyDelete....And the aggressive tone in Nnenna's "analysis", coupled with singular examples that hold no water and overly generalize, is the reason why she MIGHT be single and MIGHT never find a GOOD black man.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with most of you women is that you are all "looking" for a man that matches some wonder-list you've had since high school. You will always attract the type of man that you sell yourself to be. If u walk the walk and talk the talk of a "holla at ur gurl" type chic, then you will only attract the brothas (regardless of race) that just wanna holla and treat u accordingly. Work on yourselves first, and I promise the right black man will find you. If you come at the black man with your magic list, trust me, men are veeeeeery smart, and we can filter through all that unseriousness.
So please ladies, like you said, time isn't on your side. So instead of wasting it "looking" in the lovely pools of interracial men out there, work on being the best woman you can possibly be and the best man will be drawn to you. Cheers.
..."Work on yourselves first" very true line. In life a lot of us are quick to point the finger. Please ladies lets first be one with ourselves and stop looking to find completion in a man. Happiness with a man has to do with what you look for in a guy. I'll speak for myself here, the first thing i look out for is how he feels about God and the kind of relationship he has with his God, no matter his religion or colour! Those guys that fear a 'higher power' i notice 'behave themselves'. I'm not talking some fake ass guy that uses his religion as a mask but the kind of guy that exudes goodness in all he does and is constantly working on himself to be a better person. The kind of guy that cares about character and not reputation.
ReplyDeleteI guess i should be thankful that i at least have the option(s) of doctor, lawyer or engineer as long as he's from my state of origin.
ReplyDeleteAs much as i am open to dating outside my race, i haven't met any non-black man that i've been attracted to, however the African-American/ Carribean men though..... *drools*
I'll just keep a pail of water handy for when my mother faints at the presentation of my west indian dreadlocked boyfriend (that i am yet to meet)
Perfection does not exist! We need to keep working on ourselves and stop looking for flaws in men. The sooner we realize that the better. Also white man get wahala too oh! Cos it sounds like white men = Bliss to some people here. Depending on how close you want to be to your boyfriend, partner or husband, consider differing backgrounds and languages. Imagine wanting to blast Yoruba or Hausa or Igbo with your boo...you cant, except he is one of those very rare ones that embraces other cultures and traditions and is probably even open to moving to your country to raise your kids in an environment where culture still exists.
ReplyDeleteTo each his own. But its important to look for the right things I think. Lets dig deeper.
HAHAH well i think BOTH MEN AND WOMEN (NOT JUST WOMEN) need to work on themselves before they worry about others. I date both within and outside my race i see nothing wrong with it... *Shrugs*.
ReplyDeleteWow... this is quite a debate...
ReplyDeleteur situations sounds bizzare! in america it is such a big deal to date a black guy, which to me is bizarre! my step dad is white, I have dated EVERY RACE and mixture of race there is that I could care less what your skin looks like, I dated a spanish guy of ghanaian descent, an english n carribean guy,white, Asian-Indian. black, brown, dark chocolate.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up with a mother who would be happy to see me just date a sane person.lol. and everytime I have a boyfriend, every1 asks me "what is he(as in ethnicity" i feel happy to know they dont expect anything, most where suprised dat my current bf is actually black AND of african descent. ok nuff essay
I have actually never dated outside my race before but i am not against it....i think i'd really love to
ReplyDeleteEthnicity does not matter to me as long as i'm happy with him.....
What is this "work on yourself" bull???? I thought we were all works in progress till death do us part from this earth. We all have different personalities and as such, attract different kinds of men.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I can't comprehend the list above. Sadly, this is truly what black men complain of. I don't understand how the above qualities are detestable in a prospective life partner.
Black men, have you heard the term "survival of the fittest"? Its no more about physical strength, but rather, what you have up in your head and the will power in you. As if black women have no battle to fight through in life. Know it now that we hold more strength because we face more challenges than you do in any society.
Don't dull on yourselves. lol. My parents taught me how to be strong-willed, how to conquer, how to cater to those around me, ... and more. In fact, I feel sorry for my brother sometimes because I think growing up, he got half of that kind of education that prepares you for life.
Seriously, do you think Pres. Obama would have been where he is right now without that woman by his side? She can run this country and probably better too. That's a crime too, right? mmhmm
You guys just want to be on top all the time. Without that strength, society would have no base. I presume it was a weak black woman that made you the strong black man you are today, right? Even though your daddy left you and her with nothing. Your mom is a black woman too and you turned around and slapped her in the face with that list.
I am a black woman and I LOVE the strength and power that flows through my veins. Its probably time for us to build up other societies. Hence the recognition of our strengths from other races.
I CANNOT / WILL NOT EVER DATE A BLACK MAN AGAIN. Italians, Indians, Asians, & Caucasians <-always treat ME better. Personally, I'm just over Black Men and their baggage.
ReplyDeletei hate most of the nigerian boys ive met they say stupid shit like 'light skinned girls are always prettier' and the WORST part is a lot of girls say 'they are young. they will grow up and get over it'. errrrrrrr so why do i have to sit around and wait for them to lose their color complex?? i have no time for that BULLSHIT. if they can date whoever they want, so can i.
ReplyDeleteLmaooo at all you clowns. Let us not forget the world we are living in. All of you shouting Italian, French, Brazilian and indian. Lmao especially at Indian. How many of those folks ever date outside their race. Anyway, moving on... All of u females hawking urselves out to oyinbo, yes they are genuinely nice and will treat u right. They will "Date" you wellllll. But how many of them really want to take you home to mom.. After all is that not what u women are looking for. Statistically, of all the women here that have sold their souls to the white man, Lol, only 1 will be lucky enough to go home to mom. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI had a beautiful response and it didnt post.. GRRRR. Anyways, I dont care where he is from. I care that he can acculturize. My one white boyfriend said he would throw his mother out on the street if she ever came to his house and disrespected him. As africans, if ur mother comes to ur house and disrespects u, u smile and apologize.. at least, the way I was brought up. I have a friend who found a white guy who speaks her language.. she is African. He lived in her country for a few years. If i found an Edo white guy, i will accept him with open arms. Culture is key, not skin color. On that note, I am more attracted to black men though. Further more, I seem to only meet Nigerians. *sigh*. Black non Nigerian men I meet usually have issues such as opening the greeting with "whats good shawty" but thats another story. Nice post though. :)
ReplyDeleteI will say this though, white men treat you well, no doubt.... but after marriage, do they stay the same? The ones in movies are in movies o. Plus I feel like if i am going to date outside my race/culture, he better be PERFECT in everything else.. ok, vanity done. Ciao.
if you go around calling yourself "successful black woman" that in itself is the problem o_O
ReplyDeleteWell,
ReplyDeleteI too agree that there is more interracial dating and I really don't mind it at all! It's when black men bash black women while dating white women that gets me heated. I wouldn't mind dating outside of my race. if the a guy of another race tried to approach me, I would definitely get a try.
At a mostly white college, black men are a HOT commodity. Every girl is hyper aggressive and backstabbing just to get to the few available men her (mostly athletes), and they sort of turn into groupies. The athletes here really go after white women because they are mostly are seen as "easy" and then there are the "easy" black girls. Sometimes I definitely want to drop black guys altogether and explore because I feel like they are looking for short term pleasure, not long term love. BUT culturally, I feel like black guys can relate to black women more.
Also ladies!
don't you think guys want too much in general now???? They want us to be perfect like a barbie and sexually open, BUT what are we gonna get from them in return. I feel like I can't keep up at all....
I don't understand why the black woman needs to 'work on herself' or why it should ever be that way...everybody needs to work on themselves..but regardless no one will ever be perfect. However, is it soo wrong to expect good things of our 'strong' black men and for them to APPRECIATE such 'strong' qualities in us!
ReplyDeleteBesides if that is what the majority of black men really think of ALL black women then seriously...What are black women waiting on????
I have no problem with dating outside my race...A GOOD MAN IS SIMPLY A GOOD MAN. I have certain qualities that i expect from a man. Every race has their own subculture of 'Useless men'.I find that within the black community men get so caught up in their 'youth' and the instant gratitude of sleeping with 'fast' girls, drugs, criminal behaviour etc. that they fail to grow up/look for a serious relationship until they are near 30, whether that be with a white or black woman.Plus the ones who are serious tend to be already taken. So why not broaden my horizons and be open to the SERIOUS men of all races. Yes the cultural aspect is an important factor for me and a guy has to be as open to mine as i am to his.
Amen to that!
ReplyDeleteThis might be an ignorant thing to say but I think African women have taken on a fight that does not concern us. Our men (well the enlightened ones) are out there and ready to date and marry. Heck, those of you that have had bad experiences are finding love with European men. Half of the list above, I can't relate to. How many of you have child support issues? How many of us were raised to be submissive (yes I know the 21st century does not like that word) and how many of you were raised to treat a good man like a king...that is, cook for him, serve him etc. How many of you were raised to let him chase you...let him ask you out for 10 years and then you can "gree"?
ReplyDeleteEven the funkiest, westernized African girl knows that she has to serve her man (within reason). This 42%, whatever the statistic is something I have not noticed among black women in other parts of the diaspora. These women do not have an issue serving their men (while bringing in a paycheck), our men are not lazy in anyway shape or form...yes we have bad eggs but generally, we do not have an issue with men willing to work hard and provide.
Nigerian/African men have their faults but by God, these men will gladly cater for you and your family when the going gets tough. I am not against interracial relationships but unless I meet an understanding Westerner, I do not see a lot of them understanding that I have to take care of my aging parents the way we do in our culture, or paying my cousin/younger sibs way through school.
Our men make jokes about weaves etc but they love you and your ratty weave, wig, horrid edges and all. You do not hear them condemning every single thing we do. How many african male bloggers do you see writing about women need to do this and the other.
I'm not saying African men are perfect but I would hate for African women to go the route that Black American women have taken. The list above is one that black men complain about but it is for the most part very true. Our men overall get it right when it comes to holding down the household, courting you, taking care of their responsibilities etc. Let us at least praise them for getting somethings right.
I apologize for the rant but I want us to not get caught up in this whole thing and neglect to give credit to our good African men (whether they are your preference or not...them dey try small small)
Great stuff you have here, I myself I’m exploring my options and thinking about branchin’ out to other races. Not that there’s anything wrong with black men but…lets just leave it as that.
ReplyDeletehttp://vee4vibrant.blogspot.com/
How random how inflammatory this thread has got. Especially the anonymous comments.has got. Maybe it is living in Europe, U.K to be precise, that has me wondering what the big deal is. I am Nigerian born. Yes, I am married to a Caucasian. So what is the big deal?
ReplyDeleteMarry who you love not who your culture dictates you do...
The blacker the berry...that is all <3
ReplyDeleteAll those givin the 'holier than thou' speech praising the clear-man, are the same ppl praising white jesus or some other bs re-lie-gion... houseniggers...
KNOW YOUR ROOTS!
At the end of the day you're dating a DEGENERATE being... why taint the divine DNA you were given with something thats not even hueman (food for THOUGHT!)
..and anyone who posts after me excuse my lack of detail, i couldve went deeper but i want you to search for urself.. you were brought up being taught HIStory(whiteman) now go into the depths and find the tROOTh about yourSELF.. knowledge is power.. black power..
I don't think it's so much a problem of us LIMITING ourselves but feelings of inadequacy in the interracial arena. Of course this is not an all inclusive statement for a demographic as large as black women in the US. But IMO, more often than not, we feel our reputation precedes us and so negatively that we'll be judged unfairly or that the skin and hair might be a turn off.
ReplyDeleteI know that clear skin, a nice smile, and smelling good attracts men. Put a smile on top and you're well on your way.
I met my husband through a mutual friend/couple, a white couple at that. They told him I was smart, a good cook, friendly parents, and a thing for vintage autos. SOLD! I am the first and only black woman he has ever been with and vv, we didn't even know about the color difference until we got on the phone and I sent him a pic of myself after the first conversation. Sure he is cute and rugged, but more than that we are best buds.
Get out of your comfort zone.
After the experiences I've had with black men I will never date them again. My sister only dated white men & is now married to one. I've just started listening to her advice. I hate black men (family not included)
ReplyDeleteAs a nigerian woman who is currently in a relationship with a wonderful asian man, I just want to note that one should date a man for his character and not his color.
ReplyDeleteI've known wonderful men, and terrible ones, nigerian and non-nigerian. And I also have parents who expect me to bring home a "NIGERIAN MAN" because a "white man's family won't accept me" O_o ...wahala dey!!!!sigh...lol.
Sometimes I find it so unfair that its easier, and more acceptable, for nigerian men to date/marry outside their race with little to no qualms from their family, than it is for nigerian girls.
Talkess of race, the dude must be from our own tribe, be a certain age, have a "good family"(God forbid!! that his great, great, great grandfather stole a piece of yam in the villa (true story about a friend of mine...sigh),and have so-so profession etc, etc. Sometimes I just wanna scream "OYA1!! Enough!!! please manufacture and deliver this so-called perfect man to my door if it is so easy."
In the end love is love, and it involves two people, not two colors. A simple tale,as old as time, of a boy who likes a girl.
Star :)
So I was just looking up weave tutorials because I am looking up new hairstyles and I just want to say your cool. I myself am a Nigerian woman (well idk if a 15 year old girl counts lol) but its cool to see you embracing your Nigerian culture and being your own. I am trying to do that but sometimes its hard for my parents. But all I wanted to say is this is a cool website and keep doing you :)
ReplyDeletenice post .. what is with parents and tribe .. like you would find a black edo doctor or engineer in a Caucasian majority country ....... edo girl talking .... talk also about job discrimination as well ....would love to have mixed race babies ..... on a mission to get me a Caucasian
ReplyDeleteI actually disagree with this post. I'm a successful female ob/gyn (nigerian). And i am still picking and choosing. What i notice it sometimes we have this "vision" of what a black man is; and i decided to forego that for someone that can be my best friend; treat me right and the list goes on. If you are good to a man and overlook somethings. you will meet a guy that will be 85%.There are some things you just have to deal with in life. And life is full of mountains & valleys; there are his and lows and you cannot have everything and you have to compromise.
ReplyDeletemy 2 cents
There are so many comments and I can't get through all of them. But let me first start by saying, I randomly ran across your blog and I've fallen in luv! Secondly, I am in an interracial rela and I just looove my man! I have learned not to choose by color, as I have found that there are so many great men out there in all shades and backgrounds. God created the human race and we are all different, but the most enjoyable part is sharing our differences and learning from each other. I do get a lot of slack from black men who "just dont get it," but my life is not for their comprehension. I am happy. He treats me better than I could ever ask or imagine and we click in every way. I could go on for days but I guess I'll stop here....My only suggestion to all is to keep an open mind :) Toodles
ReplyDeleteI AGREE!
ReplyDeleteI live in the UK and here an Afro is an Afro, a white person is English and an Asian is a die hard muslim.
ReplyDeleteBasically what I'm trying to say is people tend to hold onto their cultures fiercly.
I'm not a very tolerant person and in recent times tolerance in this country seems to have hit an all time low, our own prime minister has publically stated that he condemns multiculturalism!
Anyway, I dated a number of black women and no not like a curious teenager either, it just happened, the first was a disaster because their family didn't approve, the second woman was just "too black" for me. If I'm honest I don't like Jamaican culture.
Tried dating an Asian girl and was subjected to constant racism from Asian men. I used to get in fights and have death threats from strangers. Here in the UK Asians are Pakistani's and indians (not chinese) and they are very racist and against their women dating anything other than muslim. If I'm honest I hate them too especially their stupid backwards religion.
Does dating outside your race work? for me it's more hassle than it's worth, maybe in the future attitudes may change but I believe the only way to have true multiculturalism is to force everybody to adopt white English culture. Same as if you was in China you would force chinese culture on all immigrants. It's not the skin colour that's the problem, it's the conflict of cultures. You can dress it all up with fluffy melting pot do gooder talk but those who have been in interacial relationships know the reality of the problem.
When you have different cultures you have conflict of interests which ultimately lead to racial lines being drawn.
I'm sure most people here will find my views borderline racist and very un-politically correct but I'm a realist, not a dreamer.
People need to face issues head on and stop worrying about being acused of racism, who cares if people think you're racist, everyones racist.
I'm a young black women and i'm open to dating outside of my race. I don't have a problem with mixed couples at all. I'm working on exploring more options when the time is right i'll know it. And sometimes getting out of your environment helps also. I would love to relocate somewhere outside of the south. So that i can focus on myself and dreams and have a higher chance of dating outside of my race.
ReplyDelete