Open Discussion - Reader's Question -IS MY BEST FRIEND TRYING TO STEAL MY BOYFRIEND?
I was hoping your readers could help me clear this little problem i have. See i love my roommate, I've known her for about 12 years and she's is one of my best friends. She's fun, loving and reliable. She has been there for me through thick and thin, took me in when i lost my job, i lived rent free with her for about 10 months and she never asked me to pay her back. But recently i started seeing someone and thing are sort of heating up between us, we just became exclusive after 6 months of dating and he's always over at our apartment because his new apartment isn't ready yet. I've noticed some strange things lately that i don't like and i'm not sure if i'm going crazy and becoming paranoid or if my suspicions are real. First thing I noticed is that my roommate/best friend seems to always be around when he's around, when we're watching a movie in the living room she's there, having dinner in the dining room she's there, or hanging out on the balcony... she's always in the apartment.
Secondly, she's always wearing sexy outfits around him, her shorts are always too short and her tank tops are always too tight. I mean she's a curvy sexy girl and this is how she normally dresses and maybe she can't help how her body is shaped. But i just feel like out of respect when he's over she could at least put some more clothes on because i have caught him looking at her but i don't blame him because it's hard not to stare when she's practically naked and flaunting herself in-front of him. Finally there are just other little things, like she now wears skimpy nightgowns, normally she sleeps in old raggedy t-shirts, hair tied up and a face mask. But since he has been staying over she always wears her nice silk night gowns and no face mask. Also she's always laughing at his jokes, i've known her for most of my life, it's not easy to make her laugh. One day we were all home (and she normally cooks) so she made a Turkey dinner for us that took hours to make and he kept talking about how delicious it was all night long. I just feel like she's going out of her way to impress him. He's a great catch, someone like him is normally too good for me and more of her type, I love him and she knows i love him so why is she trying to steal him from me, she always gets the guy and this time i have him and i think she's jealous. So i need to know what you guys think. Am i going crazy and seeing things that aren't there or is my roommate trying to steal my boyfriend?
i think you should start looking for another place, cos either way you are going to have to move out
ReplyDeleteoh my :( u see right there where you said 'someone like him is normally too good for me' is a really sad line right there. even you don't believe you're good enough so u've already lost this battle. if u're capable enough to believe in yourself then u can still save this if not, just leave him (cos if its not ur roomie it cud be someone else in the future) u need to up ur self esteem n confidence.
ReplyDeletegood luck babe.
Could just be paranoia!
ReplyDeleteLOL!..at the last comment!
ReplyDeleteYea, your friend is probably tryna impress your man. On the other hand, you seem very insecure. No man is too good for any girl and if you keep this attitude up, you will NEVER get any man!
She let you share her apartment with her, you should also let her share your man. Don't be selfish now!
When it comes down to friends and boyfriend, don’t follow what you know of the person follow your GUT feeling. And if your gut is telling you that she is trying to seduce him, and he is falling for it, BELIEVE IT. Don’t downplay yourself saying he is too good of a catch. There is no such thing. You might need to talk to her and just flat out tell her that you have realized a change in her behavior, and mention that you would appreciates if she would cover up. You do not have insecurities and the only things you are seeing are the things that are really happening. This might take a toll on your friendship, and no man is worth losing a good friend over. But that doesn’t mean you should sit back and watch her help him walk out your life. I get that his apartment is not finished yet, but maybe limit the time you spend in the house, by going to the movies, or finding other activities to do, and flat out tell him that you noticed your roommates behavior changed, and let him know that you have caught him breaking neck sometimes. So for a healthier relationship you would prefer that he is around the house less. If he is meant to be he will find your demands reasonable, if your friends is truly loyal, she will not see insecurities and will get a wakeup call and change. Use take and diplomacy. Do not nag, and please use your tone wisely. Be calm and do not argue or get mad at any moment. Good luck girl. But it is important that you clear the air and address the issue.
ReplyDeleteHmm..you had me until you said "someone like him is normally too good for me"
ReplyDeleteIt seems as if you are suffering from insecurity issues and this whole scenario may actually just be in your head.
You have some insecurity issues to work out but excuse me this girl is trying to steal him, i have a roommate and best believe if one of our men are over ain't nobody walking around them BUTT NAKED, in fact we cover up even more.
ReplyDeletesorry but u reek of insecurity!and let me reassure u one thing,.,guyzz feel it,.,if not very obvious then subconciously they do,.,and in ur case im sure its quite obvious u show ur discomfort wen shez around him and trust me he picks up on it. it tells him u are not comfortable in ur own skin, u are not sure of urself, ur self confidence is lacking,.,guess wat he'll do then even if he loves u???he will stray!why u ask?cause he will be drawn to ur sexy cofident friend!dont show men weakness,.,act like a catch and he wud treat u as one!
ReplyDeleteI think its a little paranoia, a small problem with insecurity and your “Best Friend” may play a part.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning it did sound like maybe your friend was pushing up on your guy. But then it started to sound like you were going over board and watching all her actions. For example, having a problem that she is eating her dinner at the dinner table. I dont think that is a big deal, she kinda did let you guys have your space because she could of sat on the couch right next to him.
The skimpy night gowns might be out of the ordinary, if she has never done it. Casually just ask her why she’s been wearing night gowns. Don’t be aggressive when you ask. Also if she is your “Best Friend” then you should be able to ask her to put some clothes on and her not be offended. Also when you have this conversation with her don’t portray that your insecure or that you think she is trying to steal your man because if she really is then she’ll try harder because she can tell she is getting to you. Never let them see you sweat lol.
Also the first comment is the best advice. Think about moving out. Go and look at a couple places but don’t tell her wait until you have found the right place. You dont want to tell her prematurely that your moving out and her start acting petty.
I hope my advice was helpful and I hope you solve your problems.
no one can steal your boyfriend/husband etc unless they want to be 'stolen' life is a race, up your game and stop being a whiny, insecure child.
ReplyDeletebesides you just met him, why has he practically moved in? why should she change her life just because your silly boyfriend is a scrub and a mooch. dump him, he is using you for free shelter.
your room mate sounds like a go-getter. he will choose her unless you woman up.
in the meantime, he needs to go crash at his boys place and stop being a loser.
Sweety I think it might b you... :/ u have insecurity issues if u feel that anyone can be "too good "for you...n u also stated she always dresses n sexier clothes..n um that is HER apartment! Why wouldn't she b there?? Lol.. Too make things easier just MOVE OUT but eventually your gone have to face your insecurity cause it will only get worse!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you might just be overthinking things. I mean its not like your boyfriend told you that she flirts with him or did something way out of line. You should consider moving out if you cannot deal with it, and also keep your eyes down, but not over think things.
ReplyDeleteI'm no expert, but a few things are just what some people call "common sense":
ReplyDelete1. "...someone like him is normally too good for me and more of her type" -- This statement has INSECURITY written all over it! Why do you think he is "too good" for you, but a right match for her?? That is something that needs to be addressed first and foremost, before anything else.
2. STOP BRINGING HIM AROUND ALL THE TIME! Unless you guys are chilling in the privacy of your own room, I would say it's best if you guys find other places to hang out. Aside from not having to face your roommate all the time, it's not fair to her to always have him around the house. Maybe she's secretly trying to tell you she needs more space? Maybe not... but could be. I would also start looking for a new place, as well.
3. If you REALLY feel as if something is going on, ADDRESS IT! Nip it in the bud! As someone stated above, follow your gut feeling -- but that will be hard to do without facing any insecurity issues you have first. Speak to both of them separately, and be upfront about the way you feel and what you have been noticing.
Good luck! I would love to hear what happens in the near future.
I think that the first thing you have to do is get right with yourself. You need to be your own #1 cheerleader and best supporter. You need to have way more confidence and then it would be clear to see what's going on around you. How can you put 100% confidence in someone else and you don't even believe in yourself?? After a while, everyone will be so attracted to your confidence that if they betray you, it will truly be their loss and you can be at peace with that.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you people attacking her? There is such a thing as someone being too good for someone else oh, and it's not insecurity, it's truth and fact! There are leagues nah!.. Mtcewww... Anyway, it's true babe, you should able to communicate to your best friend that you have issues with her behaviour.. And if at the end he leaves you for her, good riddance to them both, they're both not the kind of pple you want in your life.. The only people u need in your life are the people who want to stay in it.
ReplyDeleteOk wow, apart from the night gown everything else isn't a big deal, it's her place so maybe she feels like she can do whatever and she might just be fishing for attention personally it might seem like you are giving your friend more credit than you are giving yourself. You should know deep in your heart what kind of friend she is by now, and follow your instincts.
ReplyDeleteu need to not be so insecure. U GOT THE GUY THIS TIME. so whats the problem?
ReplyDeleteThere is absolutely nothing wring with you asking your friend to cover up when your boy friend is around! If it were me i would do that, I don't know if you are being paranoid or not, but stick to your man, just keep being your self!
ReplyDeleteTrust your instinct. You are a smart girl. Start looking for a new place and spend more time with your man outside of the apartment or entertain him inside your room instead of in the livingroom area.
ReplyDeleteIf you two are great friends then you should not feel uncomfortable asking her to wear more modest clothing around your man. I am sure she knows about boundaries. And you have a right to tell people when they are crossing yours. Good luck with this. There are no easy answers.
"Someone like him is normally too good for me..." That's the problem. Where is your self-esteem? This girl knows that you're lacking in it and all it would take is the right moment and your boyfriend will consider her a better catch. You must be more confident in your ability to hold on to something that you love and care for. If I were you, I would step up my game and wear something sexier--without crossing the fine line between classy sexy and slut. In my opinion, I love competition like this. I would make sure I came correct to win whatever little game my roommate was trying to play. But in all honesty, find another place to live as soon as you can. Who wants the stress of living with a conniving woman?
ReplyDeleteI believe you have some self esteem issues....if you can't love yourself...no one else will....as for your roommate/friend, my monks always said you have no friends when in a relationship....meaning be careful in how and when you mix and mingle your friends and man....its easy for signals to get crossed and people's feelings to become involved and I've learned that if your friend feels like she is the better catch she will do everything in her power to secure her own happiness before she cares about yours.....I've been through it so I know that the inkling you feel is not something you should ignore but be fatuous in how you approach it because you don't want to be judging to hastily OBSERVE that's the best way to learn the truth
ReplyDeletesonia is right! all of you people attacking AND DIAGNOSING her for not being secure enough are being mean. she does not have a problem.you are making the person feel worse when you should be encouraging! look at your self first. p can't you phase the it differently by saying you need to improve on self esteem? perhaps you are THAT FRIEND that tries to steal you girls man? be nice. instead you tell her men don't like women with insecurities? how is that helpful? i'd like to see what yall do when you see a friend downright flirting with you man. ignore it, tell yourself your god enough and let him get snatched? seriously she is being honest.
ReplyDeletetell her how you feel about the nightgown in a nice way girl, best of luck. I'm praying for you, ha xxx
Seriously no one wants to be around you and your boyfriend all the time. She is probably just trying to tell you to take it elsewhere. Its her place too and she has the right to wear whatever she wants. You cant fault her for that.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I understand you because I would react exactly like you if I were in such a situation ! But just relax since your man loves you and that's why he's with YOU and not any other lady. :) Talk with your best friend though. You'll see if she's sincere or not. ;) I'm sure you'll feel better and that things will also get much better! Good luck !
ReplyDelete